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Wisdom Cries
The Do’s and Don’ts of Building Family-Friendly Churches

by Douglas W. Phillips, Esq., October 21, 2003

Delivered at the 2003 Vision Forum Ministries Regional Conference for Uniting Church and Family.

I. The Definition of a Local Church

“The Body of Christ assembled in a particular region and yoked one with another under biblical church government, with the biblical proclamation of the Word, biblical discipline and biblical administration of the ordinances.”

II. Our Standard for Building a Local Church

  1. The standard is the entire Word of God (i.e. Biblical scriptural revelation), which is profitable for all of faith and practice.
  2. Having said this, we fail in the very message of Scripture if we do not draw from and benefit from the experience and wisdom of that great cloud of witnesses, our spiritual fathers, whose experiences and teachings must be examined and contrasted in light of Holy Scripture.

III. Church and Home: How Great Hopes and Dreams Can Turn Into Nightmares

  1. Wrong Vision
  2. Wrong Foundation
  3. Wrong Methodology
  4. Wrong Expectations
  5. Wrong Attitudes

IV. The Ten Challenges of Building a New Testament, Family-Friendly Church

  1. Vision
  2. Leadership
  3. Doctrine
  4. Expectations
  5. Location
  6. Unity
  7. Money
  8. Accountability
  9. Size and Growth
  10. Replication

V. The Problem of Vision

  1. The Nature and Obligations of Vision
  2. The Track Record of Israel
  3. Vision and Discouragement
  4. Vision and Victory

VI. The Problem of Leadership

  1. How Leadership Arises
  2. Plurality
  3. Qualifications
  4. Differences
  5. Spiritual Growth
  6. Changing Circumstances
  7. Provision Leadership

VII. The Problem of Doctrine

  1. Doctrine and Systematics are an Inescapable Concept
  2. Doctrinal Obligations of the Leadership vs. Membership
  3. Confessions and Catechisms
  4. Orthodoxy and Orthopraxy

VIII. The Problem of Expectations

  1. The best way to kill your personal happiness, to cause dissention and to wreck a church is to grieve and complain because you have wrong expectations.
  2. “Ask not what the local church can do for you, but what you can do for the local church.”

IX. The Problem of Location

  1. The Biblical Patterns and Principles
  2. Meeting in the Home
  3. Meeting in a Rented Facility
  4. Meeting in a Purchased Facility

X. The Problem of Unity

  1. God’s Positive and Negative Commands
  2. The Problem of Gossip: Wimpy Husbands and Gossipy Wives
  3. God’s Antidotes
  4. The Blessing of Persecution, Battles and Holy Spirit House Cleanings

XI. The Problem of Money

  1. Tithes and Offerings
  2. Debt?
  3. Registered With the State?
  4. Salaries?
  5. Priorities In Giving
  6. Distribution of Funds
  7. Quarterly Business Meetings

XII. The Problem of Accountability

  1. Accountability for the Body
  2. Accountability for the Leadership
  3. Membership and Church Covenants
  4. Transfer Letters
  5. Non-Attendance
  6. Discipline
  7. Associations, Confederations and Denominations

XIII. The Problem of Size and Growth

  1. Unlike the mainstream 21st century church, with its focus on growth and size, the family-friendly church struggles with the opposite issue — too much growth.
  2. Principle: When the church is so big that it ceases to operate like a family, it is time for division for the glory of God. Sheep and Shepherds need to know each other. No hiding in the local church. Men need to be able to participate during the meeting. This is difficult to do if there are 500 men.
  3. Application: With growth we hope to see new assemblies established through blessed splits for the glory of God and the dispersion of the work of the Gospel.

XIV. The Problem of Replication

  1. Our mission is to replicate the work of Jesus Christ through our families, which is why the marriage of our children to like-minded covenant keeping young men and women is of paramount concern.
  2. Our mission is to replicate the Gospel work of Jesus Christ through the dispersion local churches throughout the land, which is why it is necessary to raise up mature men within the assembly who are capable of doing such.
  3. Remember that the Pilgrims waited seven years before they were able to establish their complete church government. In the meantime they acted as best they could under provisional leadership. We must remember that God’s timetable is not our timetable. It is Christ, not men that build His church. We must be willing vessels. We must be vigorous and engaged. But it is God who sends men, and God who raises up leadership.

About the Author

Doug Phillips is the director of Vision Forum Ministries, a discipleship and training ministry that emphasizes Christian apologetics, worldview training, multi-generational faithfulness, and creative solutions whereby fathers can play a maximum role in family discipleship

“Our mission is to replicate the work of Jesus Christ through our families, which is why the marriage of our children to like-minded covenant keeping young men and women is of paramount concern.”

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