Showers of Blessing
A Report on the 2009 Father and Daughter Retreat

by Lindsay Keen, April 13, 2009

“When he uttereth his voice, there is a multitude of waters in the heavens, and he causeth the vapours to ascend from the ends of the earth; he maketh lightnings with rain, and bringeth forth the wind out of his treasures.” Jeremiah 10:13

The 2009 Father and Daughter Retreat started out with an unexpected rumble, as a mix of heavy thunder and hard rains greeted the attendees. Yet, as is so often the case, when God changes our plans, He has unexpected blessings for us in the change.

The stormy weather at Callaway Gardens prompted an adjustment: The opening picnic was held inside, rather than on the lawn. The indoor “picnic” was a change from past years, but He who causes all things to work together for good (Romans 8:28) gave us a blessing in disguise, as the move indoors provided a unique opportunity for fathers and daughters to enjoy an especially sweet time of fellowship with each other.

Following our delicious picnic, complete with ice cream and cookies, we were eager to enjoy the opening session of this year’s Father and Daughter Retreat. Mr. Phillips opened the evening session by leading us in a joyful time of singing “Be Thou My Vision” and “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” We also enjoyed some fun Everyday News Network clips, all written and produced by families!

Mr. Phillips then took us on a pictorial journey across the world to the Galapagos Islands in the South Pacific Ocean — a beautiful set of Islands that has been used by many to “prove” Darwin’s theories of evolution for almost 175 years. Mr. Phillips’ presentation showed how that the hand of God is everywhere evident on this awe-inspiring set of islands, and what he shared was a beautiful reminder of how God has a plan and purpose behind every creature He places here on earth. Though we may not fully understand the purpose of a marine iguana or flightless cormorant, He does.

This was a great thought to consider as we delved into the focal point of our weekend — the important relationship God has designed between fathers and daughters. Mr. Phillips urged fathers and daughters to use their time together wisely throughout the weekend, getting to know each other on a deeper level:

The time has come to raise up a new kind of daughter, a new kind of son, a new kind of family. . . . The way we prioritize our relationships now — the way we use this short window of time — will affect generations years from now.

Daughters need to ask questions of their fathers — to learn about them and from them: “Remember the days of old, consider the years of many generations: ask thy father, and he will shew thee; thy elders, and they will tell thee” (Deuteronomy 32:7). Daughters need to learn what makes their fathers tick — and why? How can a woman serve and be a helper to a husband unless she first learns to serve and help her father?

Mr. Phillips continued, “The daughters in the church today are in a state of chaos, because of the state of the father.” It is our job to get ourselves out of this state of chaos. This is our watch; we cannot let ourselves slide further down the chasm towards destruction. And that is exactly what the world wants us to do. It is a fearsome sight for the ungodly world to behold a family functioning according to God’s design, working and taking dominion together.

One of the greatest weapons God has given the church for warfare is the father and daughter team, Mr. Phillips maintained. God has placed daughters in a perfect position to hit hardest, fastest, and wreak havoc on the world while being safely protected by our fathers. Alternatively, we can allow ourselves to be hit hardest, fastest, and have havoc wreaked on us if we ignore this protection God has provided.

God designed women to follow. Mr. Phillips stated, “To be a man is to be a leader. There is a definite connection between the mission of manhood and the advent of daughters in a man’s life.” A daughter’s goal should be to further that mission — to follow her father’s lead.

Mr. Phillips then outlined five commitments a father must make to his daughter:

• I will faithfully pray for you and your future.
• I will walk beside you.
• I will provide for you with godly opportunities designed to encourage your success as a helpful virtuous woman of God.
• I will relentlessly protect, provide, and prophesy before you.
• I will offer my blessing.

In return, a daughter must make the following commitments to her father:

• I will give you my heart and trust you with it until you entrust it to another.
• I will serve you as unto the Lord, recognizing that I have no higher calling than to do the will of my godly father.
• I will honor and reverence you through my words and deeds, in my spirit and through my actions.

Next, we heard from Dr. Voddie Baucham. This was the first Father and Daughter Retreat that Dr. Baucham and his daughter Jasmine have attended, and it was a special privilege for many to meet them and hear them speak. Dr. Baucham shared that every father will leave a legacy for his daughter. The type of legacy he leaves is up to him:

We’re inflicting upon our children certain sins, and we don’t even give it a second thought for the most part. . . . We’re going to leave a legacy one way or another, and unfortunately, our default position is sin. So, more often than not, that’s the legacy we’re going to leave.

He then went on to expound on a father’s responsibility to his daughter as laid out in the Old Testament, demonstrating how these principles still apply today. He also identified four problems that so often cause us to stumble — “The Four Causes of Laxity”: Ignorance, Indifference, Idolatry, and Independence. He ended the evening by beautifully illustrating how the father’s relationship to his daughter is a representation of the relationship we have with our heavenly Father, as he protects, provides, and prepares her to one day become a bride.

After a refreshing night’s sleep and a delightful southern breakfast, Mr. Scott Brown began the morning session. He reminded us that a family is a representation of God, a conduit for the gospel, and the foundation for all of culture. He used Ephesians to show us what a godly family looks like: a sacrificial head, a submissive and respectful wife, and honoring children.

He then spoke of Jonathan Edwards and the legacy he left to the world as an earthly example for us to study. Mr. Edwards’s life was characterized by his love for God, and he passed this passion on to future generations. His house was full of children, as he and his wife Sarah were blessed with eleven during their marriage. The home he and Sarah built was once described as “efficiency and grace-filled” by one guest. Jonathan and Sarah Edwards produced educated daughters who were spunky, intelligent, and God-fearing. Biblical womanhood was central in their home. Theirs was a home filled with music, mentoring, and perseverance during hard economic times.

Next up was Dr. Voddie Baucham on the ministry of marriage. “We need to be preparing our daughters for the ministry of marriage. The first time God said something wasn’t good, it was a man without a helpmeet. And he specifically designed the woman to be a helpmeet.” What an awesome responsibility God has given to fathers!

Dr. Baucham used Scripture to debunk several of the current myths about daughters and marriage — particularly, the myth that daughters are better off staying single in order to take advantage of “ministry” opportunities, usually outside of or away from the home.

Somehow, the idea has crept into the church that women should trade marriage for ministry in order to be more pious. Yet what greater place for women to minister than in the home? God placed women in the home under the protection of a male head, also making provision for those women who were left without that protection. Dr. Baucham noted that

during our single years, our goal is to have this undivided devotion to the Lord, we have an opportunity unlike any other time in our life to be devoted to the Lord, to have an undivided devotion to the Lord. And we should have an undivided attention to the Lord. You should use those years (and the vehicle should be your family). We should not extend our single years so that we may be ‘more pious’ and give those years to the Lord.

Dr. Baucham explained that Christ as our (the church’s) bridegroom is the ultimate example for us. Christ spent His life here on earth preparing for His bride and is even now in Heaven, readying a home for her. As the bride, we must be prepared for our earthly groom, as well as our Heavenly Groom. Dr. Baucham closed with this thoughtful observation: “If a man prepares a daughter for marriage, and she has the gift of singleness, then he’s lost nothing. However, if he prepares his daughter for singleness, and she is called to marriage, then he’s lost a great deal.”

Mr. Phillips began the next session by reading two quotes — one from the most influential woman of the nineteenth century, and one from one of the most famous of the twentieth’:

I am most anxious to enlist everyone who can speak alright to join in checking this mad, wicked folly called “Women’s Rights” with all of it’s attendant horrors, on which the poor feeble sex is bent, forgetting every sense of womanly feelings and propriety. Feminists ought to get a good whipping! Women who unsex themselves by claiming equality with men, they would become the most hateful, heathen and disgusting of beings and would surely perish without male protection. I love peace and quiet, I hate politics and turmoil. We women were not made for governing, and if we are good women, we must dislike these masculine occupations. —Queen Victoria, 1870

I act for money, no other reason. Since I made my first picture in 1941, I haven’t done a thing worthwhile. I have never enjoyed making films, and I don’t like being a so-called film star. I haven’t the emotional make-up for it, nor the love of exhibitionism. I am much too shy. [I’d rather find] one good man I could love and marry and cook for and make a home for, who would stick around for the rest of my life. I never found him. If I had, I would have traded my career in a minute. —Ava Gardner, 1990

Mr. Phillips noted that “ministry is doing the work that God has called a woman to do in the context of the location, the places, the relations that God has given to a woman — under the covering of protection. In the context of the home, and not only the home, but all over the world as she is part of the work of a family.”

Hawaiian history gives us a beautiful illustration of families taking dominion together, Mr. Phillips explained. Hawaii was evangelized by families working together to spread the gospel. In the space of fifteen years or so, Hawaii was completely transformed from a pagan nation into a God-honoring one. And it was accomplished by God working through families. These families understood that they had to demonstrate to the nation what God designed the family to be.

Mr. Phillips went on to remind us that daughters learn so much from the example of their fathers. When a girl observes her father investing in godly, dominion-taking work and saying, “We trust the Lord,” she has peace. “A daughter will be inspired by a father who is real.”

Then came one of the highlights of the weekend — the High Tea. As I peered onto the scene of the tea, I was struck with the beauty of each daughter with her father. All the young ladies looked so elegant and personified godly beauty. It is a tradition that we all dress up for the high tea as a way of showing honor to those around us. Strong, masculine fathers with their beautifully adorned daughters — wow! — it was as if kings were walking around with their princesses.

After enjoying our special time of fellowship with our own “daddies” and meeting other fathers and daughters, we had the rest of the afternoon free. As tornadoes were spinning through the area, most families opted to drive around the gardens instead of walking. However, we were still able to view the lovely Butterfly Gardens that are a signature attraction at Callaway.

I greatly enjoyed spending this time with my own father. Every year I learn something new about him. This year, I enjoyed listening as he shared stories of his time in the Navy. During dinner, he shared with my sister and me some of his goals for us in the coming year. It was an inspiring time of sharing not only goals, but vision. We talked of the battles of our day and the battle plans for our family. My father is truly an amazing man, and I am so blessed to have him in my life. Someday I hope to marry someone very much like him.

After dinner, the sessions started back with Anna and Elizabeth Botkin. Their presentation, entitled “What My Father Taught Us about Boys,” was geared especially for daughters; and in it, the Botkin sisters shared from their hearts and from the ideas of their five brothers. It was a very profitable lesson for single young ladies who desire to have honoring relationships with our single brothers in Christ.

The world’s view of romance is portrayed in everything — music, movies, art — they remarked, and the girls warned that fathers must teach their daughters a biblical view of boy-girl relationships, lest their ideals in this important area be shaped by the world.

“Until marriage, we girls will be forming relationships with young men as comrades and brothers in Christ — nothing more,” Elizabeth urged. “Please talk to your father and mother and ask them what people they want you spending time with and if there are any that they’d really rather you not be spending time with.”

Anna encouraged all the young ladies to pray for their brothers in Christ and their future wives. Also, it is vital that daughters keep an open line of communication with their parents, especially their fathers. As daughters, we have been given such a gift, the gift of being protected. We must guard that gift; we must thank God for that gift; and we must never throw that gift away.

The girls closed with this admonition to the ladies:

The relationship you have with your father and brothers is going to affect how you view men and interact with men for the rest of your life. When we have this kind of respect and trust for our fathers and show it, it gives them the confidence to be more bold in their leadership. Learn to be grateful for your father. Appreciate his strengths. Be content in his protection, provision, and leadership. Be faithful to pray for your father and tell him what you’re praying for him.

Mr. Botkin’s session on “How Hollywood is Stealing Your Daughters” was one of the most eye-opening and convicting sessions for many of the fathers and daughters in attendance. As he displayed the line-up of Disney princesses on the screen, he drew special attention to the eyes. Mr. Botkin pointed out that “a woman’s most powerful tool of flirtation is the eyes.” He then asked, “What is Disney’s ‘Princess Theology’?” He flashed images of a modern “princess,” Hannah Montana — the disrespectful, discontented daughter, pop star and teen idol. She exhibits cynical selfishness, demonstrates grudging ungratefulness and independence in an escapist world of her own creation as a “secret pop star.” Mr. Botkin noted, “We are deceived if we think these are ‘innocent’ Disney princesses.” They are princesses with a purpose and an agenda.

In the Disney “Princess Theology”, men are portrayed as weak clowns and fops. In a film clip from The Princess Diaries 2, Princess Mia is shown reviewing pictures of potential suitors. When she is told that one of the men is a homosexual, the smart, college graduate is shown giving him a thumbs up and an enthusiastic “Right on!” The princess spurns the upright, masculine man for the sensual, immature man because sparks don’t fly when she kisses her “goody two-shoes” fiancé. She then goes on to proclaim that she will rule the kingdom, married or not. This declaration is met with cheers and support from all of the nobles of the kingdom. The film ends with the bratty princess triumphant, ruling (not serving) as the newly crowned queen of her fictitious country, Genovia.

Seemingly innocent films like these are poisoning the minds of young girls. The ideas and theology of these films are presented in a captivating manner, and heroines like Princess Mia are admired and envied. This subtle indoctrination happens quickly and quietly. It is deceptive and devastating to young women and young men alike. Young women want to be the bratty princess who gets all she demands, while young men may watch “cute” films like this and think, “Well, why strive for the prize? Why be ‘Mr. Goody Two-Shoes’ when I can be Mr. Slimy, sensual, and effeminate and get everything I want?”

As God-honoring daughters, we must step up and show the world that a real princess honors the True King. If we fail to do this, it will not be long before the world, Christian or otherwise, has lost all remembrance of what a woman truly is and was created to be. We must honor our fathers in this as in all areas of life. We must be faithful princesses in our father’s home until he hands us over to be someone else’s queen. “He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much” (Luke 16:10).

For many, the 2009 Father and Daughter Retreat was a very profitable time of learning. The biggest “ouch” for me personally was the reminder that as the oldest now at home, it is my responsibility to set a good example of how my younger sister should look to my father. I will also have a great influence on how my younger brother will view and interact with young ladies. I always recognized that power of influence in my older sister, but now that it is mine to wield and carry, it is a terrifying and awesome responsibility. I must be faithful to my calling as a sister, as well as a daughter. I must be above reproach in every area of life.

I am so grateful for my precious father, who has invested so richly in my life. In return, I must serve and carry myself as a true princess. We must “redeem the time for the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16). My younger sister, Sarah, stated it well: “A woman of God should aspire to be dignified, but not haughty; bold, but with a quiet spirit; well educated, but without arrogance.”

As daughters, our place of preparation and service is in the home. The battle is all around us, but the home is the base from which our battles must be fought. Our Generals are our Fathers. They are uniquely designed to prepare and equip us for the future. And though storm clouds may from time to time gather unexpectedly, we can be assured that God will shower His blessings upon us as we embrace this model and engage the enemy — hand in hand with our fathers.