Duty of Children to Parents
by John Bunyan, August 4, 2001
There lieth also a duty upon children to their parents, which they are bound both by the law of God and nature conscientiously to observe: ‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.’ And again, ‘Children, obey your parents in all things; for this is well pleasing unto the Lord’ (Eph 6:1; Col 3:20).
There are these general things in which children should show forth that honour that is due to their parents from them.
First, They should always count them better than themselves. I observe a vile spirit among some children, and that is, they are apt to look over their parents, and to have slighting and scornful thoughts of them. This is worse than heathenish; such an one hath got just the heart of a dog or a beast, that will bite those that begot them, and her that brought them forth.
Object.
But my father, &c., is now poor, and I am rich, and it will be a disparagement, or at least a hinderance to me, to show that respect to him as otherwise I might.
Answer.
I tell thee thou arguest like an atheist and a beast, and standest in this full flat against the Son of God (Mark 7:9-13). Must a gift, and a little of the glory of the butterfly, make thee that thou shalt not do for, and honour to, thy father and mother? ‘A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish man despiseth his mother’ (Prov 15:20). Though thy parents be never so low, and thou thyself never so high, yet he is thy father, and she thy mother, and they must be in thy eye in great esteem: ‘The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it’ (Prov 30:17).
Second, Thou oughtest to show thy honour to thy parents, by a willingness to help them with such necessaries and accommodations which they need. ‘If any have children or nephews, let them learn to show piety [15] at home, and to requite their parents:’ saith Paul, ‘for that is good and acceptable before God’ (1 Tim 5:4). And this rule Joseph observed to his poor father, though he himself was next the king in Egypt (Gen 47:12; 41:39-44). But mark, let them ‘requite their parents.’ There are three things for which, as long as thou livest, thou wilt be a debtor to thy parents.
For thy being in this world. They are they from whom, immediately under God, thou didst receive it.
For their care to preserve thee when thou wast helpless, and couldst neither care for, nor regard thyself.
For the pains they have taken with thee to bring thee up. Until thou hast children of thy own, thou wilt not be sensible of the pains, watchings, fears, sorrow, and affliction, that they have gone under to bring thee up; and when thou knowest it, thou wilt not easily yield that thou has recompensed them for thy favour to thee. How often have they sustained [thee in] thy hunger, clothed thy nakedness? What care have they taken that thou mightest have wherewith to live and do well when they were dead and gone? They possibly have spared it from their own belly and back for thee, and have also impoverished themselves, that thou mightest live like a man. [16] All these things ought duly, and like a man, to be considered by thee; and care ought to be taken on thy part to requite them. The Scripture saith so, reason saith so, and there be none but dogs and beasts that deny it. It is the duty of parents to lay up for their children; and the duty of children to requite their parents.
Third, Therefore show, by all humble and son-like carriage, that thou dost to this day, with thy heart, remember the love of thy parents. Thus much for obedience to parents in general.
Again, if thy parents be godly, and thou wicked, as thou art, if thou hast not a second work or birth from God upon thee, then thou art to consider, that thou art more strongly engaged to respect and honour thy parents, not now only as a father in the flesh, but as godly parents; thy father and mother are now made of God thy teachers and instructors in the way of righteousness. Wherefore, to allude to that of Solomon, ‘My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother; bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck’ (Prov 6:20, 21).
Now, to provoke thee hereto, consider,
That this hath been the practice always of those that are and have been obedient children; yea, of Christ himself to Joseph and Mary, though he himself was God blessed for ever (Luke 2:51).
Thou hast also the severe judgments of God upon those that have been disobedient, to awe thee. As, (1.) Ishmael, for but mocking at one good carriage of his father and mother, was both thrust out of his father’s inheritance and the kingdom of heaven, and that with God’s approbation (Gen 21:9-14; Gal 4:30). (2.) Hophni and Phinehas, for refusing the good counsel of their father, provoked the great God to be their enemy: ‘They hearkened not unto the voice of their father, because the Lord would slay them’ (1 Sam 2:23-25). (3.) Absalom was hanged, as I may say, by God himself, for rebelling against his father (2 Sam 18:9).
Besides, little dost thou know how heart-aching a consideration it is to thy parents, when they do but suppose thou mayest be damned! How many prayers, sighs, and tears, are there wrung from their hearts upon this account? Every miscarriage of thine goeth to their heart, for fear God should take an occasion thereat to shut thee up in hardness for ever. How did Abraham groan for Ishmael? ‘O,’ saith he, to God, ‘that Ishmael might live before thee!’ (Gen 17:18). How was Isaac and Rebecca grieved for the miscarriage of Esau? (Gen 26:34, 35). And how bitterly did David mourn for his son, who died in his wickedness? (2 Sam 18:32, 33).
Lastly, And can any imagine, but that all these carriages of thy godly parents, will be to thee the increase of thy torments in hell, if thou die in thy sins notwithstanding?
Again, if thy parents, and thou also, be godly, how happy a thing is this? How shouldest thou rejoice, that the same faith should dwell both in thy parents and thee? Thy conversion, possibly, is the fruits of thy parents’ groans and prayers for thy soul; and they cannot choose but rejoice; do thou rejoice with them. It is true, in the salvation of a natural son, which is mentioned in the parable: ‘This my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry’ (Luke 15:24). Let therefore the consideration of this, that thy parents have grace, as well as thee, engage thy heart so much the more to honour, reverence, and obey them.
Thou art better able now to consider the pains and care that thy friends have been at, both for thy body and soul; wherefore strive to requite them. Thou hast strength to answer in some measure the command: wherefore do not neglect it. It is a double sin in a gracious son not to remember the commandment, yea, the first commandment with promise (Eph 6:1, 2). Take heed of giving thy sweet parents one snappish word, or one unseemly carriage. Love them because they are thy parents, because they are godly, and because thou must be in glory with them.
Again, if thou be godly, and thy parents wicked, as often it sadly falls out; then,
Let thy bowels yearn towards them; it is thy parents that are going to hell!
As I said before to the wife, touching her unbelieving husband, so now I say to thee, Take heed of a parroting tongue: speak to them wisely, meekly, and humbly; do for them faithfully without repining; and bear, with all child-like modesty, their reproaches, their railing, and evil speaking. Watch fit opportunities to lay their condition before them. O! how happy a thing would it be, if God should use a child to beget his father to the faith! Then indeed might the father say, With the fruit of my own bowels hath God converted my soul. The Lord, if it be his will, convert our poor parents, that they, with us, may be the children of God on me, and I have retained no strength. For how can the servant of this my lord talk with this my lord? for as for me, straightway there remained no strength in me” (Dan 10:16-17). See you here if the presence of God is not a dreadful and a fearful thing; yea, his most gracious and merciful appearances; how much more then when he showeth himself to us as one that disliketh our ways, as one that is offended with us for our sins?
And there are three things that in an eminent manner make his presence dreadful to us.
The first is God’s own greatness and majesty; the discovery of this, or of himself thus, even as no poor mortals are able to conceive of him, is altogether unsupportable. The man dies to whom he thus discovers himself. “And when I saw him,” says John, “I fell at his feet as dead” (Rev 1:17). It was this, therefore, that Job would have avoided in the day that he would have approached unto him. “Let not thy dread,” says he, “make me afraid. Then call thou, and I will answer; or let me speak, and answer thou me” (Job 13:21,22). But why doth Job after this manner thus speak to God? Why! it was from a sense that he had of the dreadful majesty of God, even the great and dreadful God that keepeth covenant with his people. The presence of a king is dreadful to the subject, yea, though he carries it never so condescendingly; if then there be so much glory and dread in the presence of the king, what fear and dread must there be, think you, in the presence of the eternal God?
When God giveth his presence to his people, that his presence causeth them to appear to themselves more what they are, than at other times, by all other light, they can see. “O my lord,” said Daniel, “by the vision my sorrows are turned upon me” ; and why was that, but because by the glory of that vision, he saw his own vileness more than at other times. So again: “I was left alone,” says he, “and saw this great vision” ; and what follows? Why, “and there remained no strength in me; for my comeliness was turned into corruption, and I retained no strength” (Dan 10:8,16). By the presence of God, when we have it indeed, even our best things, our comeliness, our sanctity and righteousness, all do immediately turn to corruption and polluted rags. The brightness of his glory dims them as the clear light of the shining sun puts out the glory of the fire or candle, and covers them with the shadow of death. See also the truth of this in that vision of the prophet Isaiah. “Wo is me,” said he, “for I am undone, because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips.” Why, what is the matter? how came the prophet by this sight? Why, says he, “mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts” (Isa 6:5). But do you think that this outcry was caused by unbelief? No; nor yet begotten by slavish fear. This was to him the vision of his Saviour, with whom also he had communion before (vv 2-5). It was the glory of that God with whom he had now to do, that turned, as was noted before of Daniel, his comeliness in him into corruption, and that gave him yet greater sense of the disproportion that was betwixt his God and him, and so a greater sight of his defiled and polluted nature.
Add to this the revelation of God’s goodness, and it must needs make his presence dreadful to us; for when a poor defiled creature shall see that this great God hath, notwithstanding his greatness, goodness in his heart, and mercy to bestow upon him: this makes his presence yet the more dreadful. They “shall fear the Lord and his goodness” (Hosea 3:5). The goodness as well as the greatness of God doth beget in the heart of his elect an awful reverence of his majesty. “Fear ye not me? saith the Lord; will ye not tremble at my presence?” And then, to engage us in our soul to the duty, he adds one of his wonderful mercies to the world, for a motive, “Fear ye not me?” Why, who are thou? He answers, Even I, “which have” set, or “placed the sand for the bound of the sea by a perpetual decree, that it cannot pass it; and though the waves thereof toss themselves, yet can they not prevail; though they roar, yet can they not pass over it?” (Jer 5:22). Also, when Job had God present with him, making manifest the goodness of his great heart to him, what doth he say? how doth he behave himself in his presence? “I have heard of thee,” says he, “by the hearing of the ear, but now mine eye seeth thee; wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes” (Job 42:5,6).
And what mean the tremblings, the tears, those breakings and shakings of heart that attend the people of God, when in an eminent manner they receive the pronunciation of the forgiveness of sins at his mouth, but that the dread of the majesty of God is in their sight mixed therewith? God must appear like himself, speak to the soul like himself; nor can the sinner, when under these glorious discoveries of his Lord and Saviour, keep out the beams of his majesty from the eyes of his understanding. “I will cleanse them,” saith he, “from all their iniquity, whereby they have sinned against me, and I will pardon all their iniquities whereby they have sinned, and whereby they have transgressed against me.” And what then? “And they shall fear and tremble for all the goodness, and for all the prosperity that I procure unto it” (Jer 33:8,9). Alas! there is a company of poor, light, frothy professors in the world, that carry it under that which they call the presence of God, more like to antics, than sober sensible Christians; yea, more like to a fool of a play, than those that have the presence of God. They would not carry it so in the presence of a king, nor yet of the lord of their land, were they but receivers of mercy at his hand. They carry it even in their most eminent seasons, as if the sense and sight of God, and his blessed grace to their souls in Christ, had a tendency in them to make men wanton: but indeed it is the most humbling and heart-breaking sight in the world; it is fearful.[2]
Object. But would you not have us rejoice at the sight and sense of the forgiveness of our sins?
Answ. Yes; but yet I would have you, and indeed you shall, when God shall tell you that your sins are pardoned indeed, “rejoice with trembling” (Psa 2:11). For then you have solid and godly joy; a joyful heart, and wet eyes, in this will stand very well together; and it will be so more or less. For if God shall come to you indeed, and visit you with the forgiveness of sins, that visit removeth the guilt, but increaseth the sense of thy filth, and the sense of this that God hath forgiven a filthy sinner, will make thee both rejoice and tremble. O, the blessed confusion that will then cover thy face whilst thou, even thou, so vile a wretch, shalt stand before God to receive at his hand thy pardon, and so the firstfruits of thy eternal salvation — “That thou mayest remember, and be confounded, and never open thy mouth any more because of thy shame (thy filth), when I am pacified toward thee for all that thou hast done, saith the Lord God” (Eze 16:63). But,
Second. As the presence, so the name of God, is dreadful and fearful: wherefore his name doth rightly go under the same title, “That thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD” (Deut 28:58). The name of God, what is that, but that by which he is distinguished and known from all others? Names are to distinguish by; so man is distinguished from beasts, and angels from men; so heaven from earth, and darkness from light; especially when by the name, the nature of the thing is signified and expressed; and so it was in their original, for then names expressed the nature of the thing so named. And therefore it is that the name of God is the object of our fear, because by his name his nature is expressed: “Holy and reverend is his name” (Psa 111:9). And again, he proclaimed the name of the Lord, “The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth; keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity, and transgression, and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty” (Exo 34:6,7).
Also his name, I am, Jah, Jehovah, with several others, what is by them intended but his nature, as his power, wisdom, eternity, goodness, and omnipotency, &c., might be expressed and declared. The name of God is therefore the object of a Christian’s fear. David prayed to God that he would unite his heart to fear his name (Psa 86:11). Indeed, the name of God is a fearful name, and should always be reverenced by his people: yea his “name is to be feared for ever and ever,” and that not only in his church, and among his saints, but even in the world and among the heathen — “So the heathen shall fear the name of the Lord, and all kings thy glory” (Psa 102:15). God tells us that his name is dreadful, and that he is pleased to see men be afraid before his name. Yea, one reason why he executeth so many judgments upon men as he doth, is that others might see and fear his name. “So shall they fear the name of the Lord from the west, and his glory from the rising of the sun” (Isa 59:19; Mal 2:5).
The name of a king is a name of fear — “And I am a great king, saith the Lord of hosts” (Mal 1:14). The name of master is a name of fear — “And if I be a master, where is my fear? saith the Lord” (v 6). Yea, rightly to fear the Lord is a sign of a gracious heart. And again, “To you that fear my name,” saith he, “shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings” (Mal 4:2). Yea, when Christ comes to judge the world, he will give reward to his servants the prophets, and to his saints, “and to them that fear his name, small and great” (Rev 11:18). Now, I say, since the name of God is that by which his nature is expressed, and since he naturally is so glorious and incomprehensible, his name must needs be the object of our fear, and we ought always to have a reverent awe of God upon our hearts at what time soever we think of, or hear his name, but most of all, when we ourselves do take his holy and fearful name into our mouths, especially in a religious manner, that is, in preaching, praying, or holy conference. I do not by thus saying intend as if it was lawful to make mention of his name in light and vain discourses; for we ought always to speak of it with reverence and godly fear, but I speak it to put Christians in mind that they should not in religious duties show lightness of mind, or be vain in their words when yet they are making mention of the name of the Lord — “Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity” (2 Tim 2:19).
Make mention then of the name of the Lord at all times with great dread of his majesty upon our hearts, and in great soberness and truth. To do otherwise is to profane the name of the Lord, and to take his name in vain; and “the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” Yea, God saith that he will cut off the man that doth it; so jealous is he of the honour due unto his name (Exo 20:7; Lev 20:3). This therefore showeth you the dreadful state of those that lightly, vainly, lyingly, and profanely make use of the name, this fearful name of God, either by their blasphemous cursing and oaths, or by their fraudulent dealing with their neighbour; for some men have no way to prevail with their neighbour to bow under a cheat, but by calling falsely upon the name of the Lord to be witness that the wickedness is good and honest; but how these men will escape, when they shall be judged, devouring fire and everlasting burnings, for their profaning and blaspheming of the name of the Lord, becomes them betimes to consider of (Jer 14:14,15; Eze 20:39; Exo 20:7).[3]
But,
Third. As the presence and name of God are dreadful and fearful in the church, so is his worship and service. I say his worship, or the works of service to which we are by him enjoined while we are in this world, are dreadful and fearful things. This David conceiveth, when he saith, “But as for me, I will come into thy house in the multitude of thy mercy, and in thy fear will I worship toward thy holy temple” (Psa 5:7). And again, saith he, “Serve the Lord with fear.” To praise God is a part of his worship. But, says Moses, “Who is a God like unto thee, glorious in holiness, fearful in praises, doing wonders?” (Exo 15:11). To rejoice before him is a part of his worship; but David bids us “rejoice with trembling” (Psa 2:11). Yea, the whole of our service to God, and every part thereof, ought to be done by us with reverence and godly fear. And therefore let us, as Paul saith again, “Cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God” (2 Cor 7:1; Heb 12).
That which makes the worship of God so fearful a thing, is, for that it is the worship of GOD: all manner of service carries more or less dread and fear along with it, according as the quality or condition of the person is to whom the worship and service is done. This is seen in the service of subjects to their princes, the service of servants to their lords, and the service of children to their parents. Divine worship, then, being due to God, for it is now of Divine worship we speak, and this God so great and dreadful in himself and name, his worship must therefore be a fearful thing.
Besides, this glorious Majesty is himself present to behold his worshippers in their worshipping him. “When two or three of you are gathered together in my name, I am there.” That is, gathered together to worship him, “I am there,” says he. And so, again, he is said to walk “in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks” (Rev 1:13). That is, in the churches, and that with a countenance like the sun, with a head and hair as white as snow, and with eyes like a flame of fire. This puts dread and fear into his service; and therefore his servants should serve him with fear.
Above all things, God is jealous of his worship and service. In all the ten words, he telleth us not anything of his being a jealous God, but in the second, which respecteth his worship (Exo 20). Look to yourselves therefore, both as to the matter and manner of your worship; “for I the Lord thy God,” says he, “am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children.” This therefore doth also put dread and fear into the worship and service of God.
The judgments that sometimes God hath executed upon men for their want of godly fear, while they have been in his worship and service, put fear and dread upon his holy appointments. (1.) Nadab and Abihu were burned to death with fire from heaven, because they attempted to offer false fire upon God’s altar, and the reason rendered why they were so served, was, because God will be sanctified in them that come nigh him (Lev 10:1-3). To sanctify his name is to let him be thy dread and thy fear, and to do nothing in his worship but what is well-pleasing to him. But because these men had not grace to do this, therefore they died before the Lord. (2.) Eli’s sons, for want of this fear, when they ministered in the holy worship of God, were both slain in one day by the sword of the uncircumcised Philistines (see 1 Sam 2). (3.) Uzzah was smitten, and died before the Lord, for but an unadvised touching of the ark, when the men forsook it (1 Chron 13:9,10). (4.) Ananias and Sapphira his wife, for telling a lie in the church, when they were before God, were both stricken dead upon the place before them all, because they wanted the fear and dread of God’s majesty, name, and service, when they came before him (Acts 5).
This therefore should teach us to conclude, that, next to God’s nature and name, his service, his instituted worship, is the most dreadful thing under heaven. His name is upon his ordinances, his eye is upon the worshippers, and his wrath and judgment upon those that worship not in his fear. For this cause some of those at Corinth were by God himself cut off, and to others he has given the back, and will again be with them no more (1 Cor 11:27-32).[4]
This also rebuketh three sorts of people.
[Three sorts of people rebuked.]
Such as regard not to worship God at all; be sure they have no reverence of his service, nor fear of his majesty before their eyes. Sinner, thou dost not come before the Lord to worship him; thou dost not bow before the high God; thou neither worshippest him in thy closet nor in the congregation of saints. The fury of the Lord and his indignation must in short time be poured out upon thee, and upon the families that call not upon his name (Psa 79:6; Jer 10:25).
This rebukes such as count it enough to present their body in the place where God is worshipped, not minding with what heart, or with what spirit they come thither. Some come into the worship of God to sleep there; some come thither to meet with their chapmen, and to get into the wicked fellowship of their vain companions. Some come thither to feed their lustful and adulterous eyes with the flattering beauty of their fellow-sinners. O what a sad account will these worshippers give, when they shall count for all this, and be damned for it, because they come not to worship the Lord with that fear of his name that became them to come in, when they presented themselves before him![5]
This also rebukes those that care not, so they worship, how they worship; how, where, or after what manner they worship God. Those, I mean, whose fear towards God “is taught by the precept of men.” They are hypocrites; their worship also is vain, and a stink in the nostrils of God. “Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men: therefore, behold I will proceed to do a marvellous work among this people, even a marvellous work and a wonder: for the wisdom of their wise men shall perish, and the understanding of their prudent men shall be hid” (Isa 29:13,14; Matt 15:7-9; Mark 7:6,7).[6] Thus I conclude this first thing, namely, that God is called our dread and fear.